Song 139 – Before I Go

By May 21, 2018Songs

This song is referenced by Song 112 – Reckless and the music for this Song was not used as the music for a Psalm. I have a temper. I remember catching a small cat once, putting it in a cage, feeding it, and attempting to domesticate it. I would normally hold the cat with gloves. One day, I took of the gloves to pet the cat. It turned real quick and bit me. I threw it on the cement floor of the garage and killed it. The fact I am sharing this, says I still fill very bad about losing my temper and killing this cat in an angry rage. This is by far my worst example of losing my temper. Typically, I have yelled when I lose my temper. I am much better now than in the past. It is still possible for someone to goad me until I get mad. They have to be trying very hard to illicit a reaction. It is hard to believe we can tell someone “I love you so” and “talk of when we would walk together, hand in hand together, happy,” and still recall “the ugly night we had to fight, how I got all uptight, even in spite of my love for you.” I do not remember going to a picnic site or on a mountain side with any girlfriend. So maybe this song is all imagination, including the fight. Maybe it was a foretelling of what happened too often with Marti and my six kids. Once is too often, even if this type of behavior was so well modeled in my family of origin. Hopefully I have learned from these mistakes, and hopefully have not destroyed the lives of those I do love. If I have not learned, or if I have destroyed the lives of any of those I love, I take full responsibility. As Lehi said: “But behold, my sons and my daughters, I cannot go down to my grave save I should leave a blessing upon you; for behold, I know that if ye are brought up in the way ye should go ye will not depart from it. Wherefore, if ye are cursed, behold, I leave my blessing upon you, that the cursing may be taken from you and answered upon the heads of your parents. Wherefore, because of blessing the Lord God will not suffer that ye shall perish wherefore, he will be merciful unto you and unto your seed forever” (2 Nephi 4:5-7).

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