This song was not used as music for a Psalm. At the time, February 1995, Marti lived in a virtual world created by Orson Scott Card. She was Melyn in this virtual world. She had friends and lovers in this virtual world who became closer to her than any of her church friends. One of them, a lady, moved in with us for a while and slept on our couch in the living room. I was attempting to find out what Marti wanted, and I asked her to write out what romance meant to her. As I recall, her original words were “not candles, car doors, diamonds, and dinners.” I left of the word “not” when I put her words to music at an El Rancho Cima Boy Scout Camp in 1995. However, I thought then, and I think now, there is great wisdom in the words she wrote. It is hard for me to sing this and to not personalize it. Did I not show her she was valued? Did I not have a gleam and admiring eye? Did I not create a secret language? I obviously did not keep her delighted. We were certainly two independent people, and while I choose to be with her, she choose to not be with me. Both paths do not work. I complained too much about piles of laundry and was too critical. I was obviously not essential to her happiness. Never did learn to joke. I certainly put in time and effort. I don’t have wit. She chose a different path than I did. I see the negative impact on our lovely children, and it tears me up. Hopefully, when discovered, some of these words will help those of our children who are still struggling to reconcile the struggles of their imperfect parents and the negative impact these struggles had on them. I sincerely hope my attempts to open up and bare my soul are not taken as a selfish self-justification. Rather, I hope these efforts will be seen as time and effort taken to share and to show my love and my concern.
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